Hey Jagiya,

Feeling this unexplainable sense of sadness, and my tears just flow.

The same problem that plagued my thoughts is back again.
How do I resolve it?
I need a way to resolve this properly so it doesn't come back to bite as and when my dark thoughts strike.

Sugar coated words won't mean anything.
I need to settle this by myself.

I thought I had prepared myself to get over this.
But I guess not.

I don't want my own thoughts to destroy me again. :(

Hey Jagiya,

I recently ended a 3 month relationship.

Some articles wrote that one of the things to do after a breakup is to write an open letter?
This is not going to be an open letter, but just something that made me think of what went wrong.

Lifestyle
To be quite honest? I have never thought about this to be a problem.
But it probably could eventually be.
I had a number of people coming up to tell me after the relationship ended, that this was what they thought - our lifestyles were too different.
Since young, my daily life is structured. I would wake up at a certain timing, have my meals at regular timings.
Even if I had nothing on that day, I would still have woken up early. It's a habit.
If I didn't wake up in the morning at the same time, I would feel something has gone wrong somewhere.
Hence, such things like experiences of nightlife (clubbing/drinking/smoking) is near non-existent on my schedule.

Character
I am the kind of girl who will speak my mind.
I will voice out what I feel I'm not happy about.
Once I've talked about it, the issue is resolved and then I will move on.
Hence, likewise, I want you to tell it straight to my face too.
Sometimes I'm a little dense, so please just be honest with me.
If we want the relationship to last, we need to communicate.
So yes, I hope you are someone who is direct too.
And please tell me once you're not happy about it, I wouldn't know if you don't tell me.

Insecurities
During the honeymoon period, I'm okay imagining a rosy future with a wedding/children.
After a while, my brain will get back to being rational, and I would start to question and doubt.
What will the future be like?
And lol, I seriously have a poisonous mouth.
Sometimes the words I use are laced with venom.
I'll try to work on this.
I'm not sure when we will meet, but by then I hope this aspect gets better.

So yes, jagiya, I hope you're doing okay in life.
Everything happens for a reason for us to grow.
I think I will most likely be sweet initially, then my thorns will start appearing, I will start to push you away.
Please continue to love me for whatever I may throw your way.

Till then to the day we meet. ♥

Hey Jagiya,

What do you think about infidelity?

If one day, you ever fall out of love with me, I'd appreciate it if you'd just tell me straight to the face.
I know it's hard, but it's better to be straight forward with me than just keep on dragging.

Sometimes, I read stories about this girl/guy falling for 2 people.
And I just go thinking, what? How?
Okay, or even the news. Like look at all the people who are having affairs. :(
We are now in a society where relationships are matrimony.
We should be loyal to our partner. Or is this perhaps just naive thinking on my part?

I'm not saying I won't hate you or feel sad. Of course I would.
I'd probably be cursing you forever, lol.

But yupp, please be honest with me. Though I hope we'd be able to work out something before you falling out with me even happens.

Hey Jagiya,

Another update after so long. Haha.

Right now, I'm currently feeling unwell. If you are here, would you take care of me?

Anyway, on a different topic, I think I would drop love any time for work or school.
Love is just not a priority for me at the moment.

So it pretty much mean that I would have to like you a whole lot for me to drop everything else.

Hey Jagiya,

I wonder how is life for you right now?
Will I even meet you?

Right now, I just feel that love is not exactly a priority.
Bc, I still feel that love is not stable.
Feelings of people change.
You can't guarantee you would love a person forever.

That, I am skeptical.

I don't know if I, myself, will be able to do that.

I think that's why I think it's wonderful that couples grow old together.
Which is really amazing IMO.

And yupp.
Speaking of people, there's definitely flaws.
I know, you're supposed to embrace all the flaws of the people you love.
But eh, I highly doubt I can embrace a person's flaws...

Is it because of my age?
Tbqh, I feel like I'm a perfectionist.
I'm so nitpicky I don't think anyone would want to be with me. Lol.

Well, for one. Even if I like you, I don't like to be tied.
I really dislike the feeling of me being binded.

Which brings me to the point of being able to love an individual forever. Lol.

Honestly, if I don't want to be binded, can I even continue to love you?

Just a thought.

At the current age of 21 (going 22, sob), I don't know if my emotional quotient is mature enough for me to take a relationship.
Well, a relationship is sacred and precious.
If you don't see anything going with that person, don't even get into it.

Though, at the end of the day, it would be really nice if there's someone you can tell everything to.
Oh, the irony of my thoughts.

Hey Jagiya,

You know how a lot of women think that by marrying a rich husband, everything would be set for in their lives?
Hmm, though I for one am not for marriage, but I think financial independence is important in a relationship.
Not to say that you have to be very rich, but at the very least, be able to support yourself!
Because I'm totally fine in financing my own.
Just don't make me be responsible for your expenses. ^^

Hey Jagiya,

I wonder if you think that I view love as something fluffy from my previous posts?

Well, that is one aspect on what I believe love is.
But other than that, I think it's something much deeper.
It's about two people getting along together with all their differences, and overcoming them together.